Purpose

So, here we are . . . now what? That is what I am struggling with today, well every day! I think we all need to know that we are here for a purpose. I need to know that someone is feeling that I am purposeful. My life until now has been wondering about without smell, taste and feeling. I can see the flowers but can't smell them. I can touch the petals but can't enjoy the smooth surface. The chocolate next to the flowers looks good. I know it is supposed to be good but there is no flavor. I can't even feel the texture as it melts in my mouth. That's it! I'm done! I want to smell the flowers!!!!

So, here starts my new day. I was listening to a podcast from my favorite pastor Marty Martin on northstarpc.cc on the way to South Carolina. I had been so down and feeling like I was wondering about with no purpose. I hadn't listened to a podcast from him in a while so I took advantage of the time in the car and put them on. The first one was "what it takes to really change" .... Really??? I have never felt that God was talking directly to me. I have had people tell me "I knew what to do because God told me" or "God was pushing me to do this or that", but never have I felt that way. . . until now!!! Omg-sh Omg-sh Could it really have been that loud? I have prayed and prayed to be spoken to like other people but after hearing the message, I know why I haven't heard Him. Duh! Marty said "how can you know your purpose if you are not connected with God on a daily basis? If you are not connected, you won't recognize his voice when he is speaking to you". I thought, wow maybe he has been speaking to me all the time but I haven't heard him.

So, if you listen on Marty talks about spending time with God every morning before everyone gets up ... Oh No! I am the worst morning person ever! No really! I said "Really God? Do I have to???" and I heard in my heart almost as plain as a voice ... Really! Noooo! I can't do that!! Then after listening to three or four podcasts, I realize I can't do it without God. Which brings me back to the getting up earlier than the worm. So, I'm praying for God to lift me out of bed at 5:30 am or smack me or ice cold water. I am knowing that with God all things are possible . . . I can do it! tomorrow. . . Okay, so it didn't work this morning or last but it will work tomorrow!! I know it will! I am so ready for change! I Can do this! (with God, not by myself )