Really???

Failure is such a bummer! It's hard not to beat yourself up when you don't do what you know you are supposed to do! I know "if at first you don't succeed, try try again" but for me it should read "if at first you don't succeed, try try try try try try try try....." I have a hard time trying again after so many failures but God is good and my faith is in Him! I will try again with Him by my side....tomorrow! LOL See what I mean?! This is crazy!

Prayer Starter: God, I know that life won't always go the way I want it to, but I trust in You. By faith, I receive Your grace, the power You have freely given to help me walk through any situation I face today.

Try again??

Here we go again. . . so far so bad! I know we are all human but I wish sometimes I weren't so much. I am finding that I have Add but not so much in the way that would be "good" and organized, more in the procrastinating, can't finish anything because of disappointment and distraction. I know . . I feel like I am using it as a crutch or excuse which goes back to the "failure" idea that seems to go with Add. I just really need to focus on my walk with God. Focus! .... wait that seems to be the problem.  --- praying for patience, focus and closeness with God. 

WOW

I have to share ... so, I've been getting all these little, well not little .. big, notes from God and this one takes the cake! I started a bible lesson (biblestudylessons.com) and it says to have a bible handy to refer and read. I've been searching for my bible for a while and found my bible cover but not my bible. So, I pleaded to God to help me find my bible. I turned the corner to my craft room which is so cluttered and incredibly messy to the point you can't even walk into the room without stepping on a box or book or tote, and immediately looked at my bible, on the floor behind a tote and books. Below some papers there was a corner of my bible standing out like a flashlight. I couldn't believe it. I actually said out loud "is that my bible? No way?!" I stepped on anything and everything without a care in the world to reach that bible and ... it was. I almost fell to the floor. My knees were weak and the tears started to flow. I prayed thanking God in a way I have never done before. I am so overwhelmed with the love of God that I feel like I am going to explode! I want to please Him like never before. I am overflowing with a sense of love that I've never felt. I am so ready for life and all that it brings! All things are possible but only with Jesus Christ our Lord!

Purpose

So, here we are . . . now what? That is what I am struggling with today, well every day! I think we all need to know that we are here for a purpose. I need to know that someone is feeling that I am purposeful. My life until now has been wondering about without smell, taste and feeling. I can see the flowers but can't smell them. I can touch the petals but can't enjoy the smooth surface. The chocolate next to the flowers looks good. I know it is supposed to be good but there is no flavor. I can't even feel the texture as it melts in my mouth. That's it! I'm done! I want to smell the flowers!!!!

So, here starts my new day. I was listening to a podcast from my favorite pastor Marty Martin on northstarpc.cc on the way to South Carolina. I had been so down and feeling like I was wondering about with no purpose. I hadn't listened to a podcast from him in a while so I took advantage of the time in the car and put them on. The first one was "what it takes to really change" .... Really??? I have never felt that God was talking directly to me. I have had people tell me "I knew what to do because God told me" or "God was pushing me to do this or that", but never have I felt that way. . . until now!!! Omg-sh Omg-sh Could it really have been that loud? I have prayed and prayed to be spoken to like other people but after hearing the message, I know why I haven't heard Him. Duh! Marty said "how can you know your purpose if you are not connected with God on a daily basis? If you are not connected, you won't recognize his voice when he is speaking to you". I thought, wow maybe he has been speaking to me all the time but I haven't heard him.

So, if you listen on Marty talks about spending time with God every morning before everyone gets up ... Oh No! I am the worst morning person ever! No really! I said "Really God? Do I have to???" and I heard in my heart almost as plain as a voice ... Really! Noooo! I can't do that!! Then after listening to three or four podcasts, I realize I can't do it without God. Which brings me back to the getting up earlier than the worm. So, I'm praying for God to lift me out of bed at 5:30 am or smack me or ice cold water. I am knowing that with God all things are possible . . . I can do it! tomorrow. . . Okay, so it didn't work this morning or last but it will work tomorrow!! I know it will! I am so ready for change! I Can do this! (with God, not by myself )